I consulted with a trusted and respected physician (my girlfriend) today about rhabdomyolysis, which has been reported as Albert Haynesworth's problem (insert joke of choice here), and it turns out it's a little more serious a condition than I realized.

I won't quote her here (she's sweetly shy), but she did say that it can result, in some severe cases, in death. Wow.

That is, again, if the man has it.

Mike Shanahan told AOL Fanhouse that he's not aware of Haynesworth having this condition. Hmm.

Not a denial but certainly Shanahan feels his player should be performing on some level right now that he clearly is not. Maybe Coach Mike just uses "headache" as a catch-all phrase for his ill players.

So why are we pounding this thing to death, a story that Shanahan has gone on now to call "completely ridiculous?"

Well, for one, its absurdity. Yes, the whole hourly updates on conditioning tests was a bit farcical and superfluous. But Albert Haynesworth is the highest-paid defensive player in football, and Mike Shanahan is the highest-paid coach. Each are paid by the Washington Redskins, a preeminant team that often veers towards the bizarre when it comes to off-field stories.

Haynesworth is being counted on as a disruptor on defense, not with his team's chemistry. And who knows, maybe he's earning back his teammates' respect on some level (suppressing laughter … proving difficult). But he certainly isn't impressing his no-joke coach, not yet at least.

The two met today following this weekend's threat by Haynesworth to sit out next year's OTAs and training camp as well. What, would that be for the Lions, Al?

This marriage should end quickly, like a bad episode of MTV's "Next." Is that show still on? If not, I know how to revive it. Move filming to Ashburn, Va. and let's get on with some football, eh?