Memories of a cleat-filled gobbler, properly thawed. Four days with an overheated Fisher-Price flat screen.

Thursday comes and you drum up a round of vodka/tomato and hope it gets you through Macy's hoo-hah pageant, and out rolls Grandma and the Big Apple Circus and something called Yo Gabba Gabba! and Jimmy Fallon's mouthing Run-DMC and that's enough of that. First moment of gratitude— for high-response remotes. And celery salt. grazie!

Early NFL game presents Green Bay tormenting the Lions, as the TV crew informs us the Ford dome's internal volume is set on comfy and the Pack operation won't be interrupted. Hey, at 17 percent unemployed, Detroit has bigger problems than Rodgers-to-Driver.

Most joyful camera pan — former big-leaguer Daunte Culpepper moping around the Detroit bench area, giving us $5 million-per-year of sour face. The Has-Been Rich. Sorry, Pep, we've seen your act— the coaches like Stafford's interceptions better.

Next up, Oakland-Dallas, the Raiders' first drumstick duty since 1970, when Al Davis was strong and it was Madden and Biletnikoff and Daryle the Bomber. Those old Raiders got drilled to pieces, and in the Jerry Dome the tradition carries on.

Pro nightcap is Giants-Broncs, but it's state-run television only (subscription required), so you flip to freebie Texas vs. Texas A&M and follow along on the bottom scroll. You swear it's broken because Denver seems stuck on the Giants' goal, but the 26-6 ending says things are working just fine.

Texas' ace is Kid Colt McCoy, but the country learns a fresher name and it's Jerrod Johnson, Aggie passer, who guns 'em around with muscle, so much that even the off-balance stuff arrives on a line.

That's 532 yards of A&M offense, pod-nah. Most points on the 'Horns since '85. "Ain't enough, pod-nah," glums the Aggie coach.

Real stat of the night comes from ESPN's Jessie Palmer, who shoots down his own record for use of the adject-noun "football" in a single breath— 43.

Friday — Big East's Cincinnati 20-and-a-half choice over Big Ten's Illinois. Big Ten slams down a fist and hollers, "Disrespect!

"Hell, we were dropping Rose Bowls before Pat Ewing bricked his first free throw," and the Big Ten is right. Illini plus-13.5 woulda covered.

Out to Colorado vs. Nebraska. Once-upon-a-time vs. used-to-be. People forget Dan Hawkins was the coach who launched the Boise State thing before taking the Colorado paycheck. Buffs' fans remember Hawkins for keeping his kid at quarterback too long.

On the winner's side it's 14 passes, 40 runs for the Huskers, and in Lincoln, that's called balance.

Switch to Alabama-Auburn. Tigers trying to swallow up Nick Saban with an eight-man front, and the longest Tide run goes for eight yards, and if this keeps up, the whole SEC Super Bowl with Florida is wrecked.

So, on the final drive 'Bama throws eight times and gets sacked once, but they finally nail things down and Saban's message is, "The strong do survive, but the strong do get their asses kicked."

Break for dinner, then it's Pitt again showing it can't handle a running quarterback late (see NC State loss), as Jarrett Brown legs WVU into FG range and a kicker with an old Europe name shows the Hoopies the way.

Saturday arrives on the southern interstate. NC over NC State, and Clemson's leading South Carolina, and Miami's handling South Florida. You slap on extra after-shave for the coming Tebow canonization, and now NC State's over NC and South Carolina's killing Clemson, but South Florida's drifting further behind.

Check Florida-Florida State. Yep, Tebow overload in full effect. Assault coming from all sides ... Verne Lundquist quoting scripture ... Nike slaps dove quills on the UF shoulder pads. The sun peaks out.

Sad memory of the fading Bowden era: Seminole quarterback swings one out to his left, and it's all clear with a three-man escort. Defending is a lone Gator corner— all three miss. Didn't used to be that way with Bobby, did it?

ND finishes the string at Stanford, and the camera catches the right angle of Charlie Weis' hair and the dye job stress has done on it. Invasion of gray. Very presidential in that way. And you think back to the day they hired him and all that chatter about the Irish outscheming people. Aesop's Boasting Traveler. Big Charlie, on a trip back to the pros.

The Sunday slate, and it's a homely set of NFL offerings. Chance to calm down. Eyes, ears need a break for the impending December push.

Peyton Manning — the kid in class who rolls his eyes. Bored. Grinding on his eraser. He's passed the Texans test a million times, so now he's spotting them a half before getting serious, and all those who had the Colts at 9-7 are penning Bill Polian apology letters.

Late p.m., San Diego wins No. 6 straight. The Norv Turner record is eight in row. Can he make it? Schedule says yessir.

Chargers "D" does the damage this time — turnovers begetting points. 43-14, an old-time Charger score. Sid Gillman and Lance Alworth are grinning. Then the perfect aperitif— Don Coryell is named a Canton finalist. Don's grinning, too. Why the sudden good vibes with this club, Norv?

"Well, this football team is a fine football team ... because the Lord giveth football and the Chargers strippeth away, and only the strong survive here in South Bend, and ..."

Or was that Charlie Saban talking ... or Jessie Lundquist ... or Aesop?

Yep, eyes ... and ears ... are calling timeout.

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